Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
