In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
