Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
literally had 100 drinks last night.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Fuck appropriateness.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
