Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
my mouth tastes like poor choices
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Randomize
