ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Randomize
