You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
