What a fucking waste of an outfit
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
