i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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