Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
