It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
