My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
