She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
