your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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