eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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