What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I just gargled with NyQuil
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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