Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
