If you die in college, do you die in real life?
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
