Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
