So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
