Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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