so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Im part way to drunk.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
