Redeem this text for a blowjob
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
