Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
