thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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