whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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