I think my vagina is haunted
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
