we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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