Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
