i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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