The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
My boob is missing a layer of skin
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
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