I'm laying in your front yard are you home
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
