ya dads aren't the best wingmen
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
