I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I'm determined to sit on that face.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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