I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
