Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Im part way to drunk.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
