whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
