I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
