How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
