it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
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