it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
