I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
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