Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Randomize
