There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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