I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
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