My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
