i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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