I could make wine with my vomit
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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