We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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