Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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