why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
