I wish I could teleport
I want to make a zoo with you.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
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