if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
