he wants to bone in the snuggie
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
